Monday, August 1, 2011

Two Dreams

I actually had 3 dreams last night that I can remember. But the first dream consisted of me roaming through a bunch of different rooms in this run-down motel, sort of a Hotel California situation. The details have gotten lost in the transition from sleep to waking. The other two dreams I do remember somewhat better.

In the first dream, I'm in a city that has skyscrapers with clipper ships levitating at the top of them. Some of the ships are aligned in the upright position, but many of the ships are sideways or upside down. Each of the ships has a different color aura around it: red, blue, green, etc. There is also a marina with actual yachting ships pointed up, down, sideways, in many different directions. In general all the ships have the same white sails and white body with different color auras.

My Lama has just gotten out of retreat. I'm looking for a building for Holy Lama to do a teaching in. The building has to have a yacht on top that is facing upside down. I walk through the town and there are some good candidates. The one that feels most likely is, in fact, a very small building in the harbor with a nice little upside down yacht with a red aura. I talk to what I believe is the owner and/or manager of the building. Then I make my way to the teaching.

The teaching has the usual students and some unusual students I've never seen before. There are two older females, twins in fact. Both are dressed in brown colors with chopped brown hair. They look masculine and sitting on both sides of me. There are many many plates of offering, mostly cookies and cakes. I am sitting there listening to the teaching. She has an aura, either clear or rainbow.

Holy Lama goes into the other room to begin seeing students privately. People are eating the offerings which I find too sweet to even grab a plate. There is a camera sitting on a chair next to me. I pick it up and begin browsing through the digital pictures on the screen of my Holy Lama in retreat or on vacation. One of the twins tells me, quite harshly, that it's not my camera. I put the camera down for a second and then a few moments later pick it up again. Then the other twin roars at me "PUT THE CAMERA DOWN." Stunned and scolded I put the camera down. I start a mini-argument in my head of what clever and cutting things I could have said in response. But there's nothing to be done. I realize I was wrong and feel even more embarrassed. I go to the table of food and feel sickened by all the cakes and cookies.

An urge rises up in me: I need to leave so I need to see the Lama immeditately. I'm aware that I'm usually the last one to see Lama but now I want to be first or nearly first. I then see a bunch of students arguing about who can go first because others have to leave early too. I get upset because it's the same lackadaiscal, late-comers, early-leavers who are in line first and fighting with each other. Then I feel hopeless. I'm not going to get to see her first. I decide to leave and convince myself that I'll see her tomorrow to report on the different building options for the teaching. My Lama comes out and asks 'where are you going?' I give the excuse that I have to do work, look for buildings, and that I can come back tomorrow with a report. Surprisingly, she seems satisfied with this and I quickly exit. I'm walking down the street at night with all these building auras lit up. The clipper yachts are levitating and turning slowly at the crowns of all the buildings. I feel alone and strange. There is no grand ending to this dream. I am just walking down a quiet city street feeling 'out of sorts.'

In the second dream I'm in a church. The pews are angled in criss-cross directions with different sizes so that there is actual floor space in the middle of the pew maze. I am on the middle left section of pews that is parallel to the stage. Further in are 3 guys in red (at least 2 of them were wearing red shirts I'm sure); all of them I perceive as being gay. I am trying to pray but also eavesdrop on their conversation. They're talking about relationships. One of the men is looking directly at me while talking, while the other is facing away. In fact the latter never turns around. The third guy has his back to the stage so we can see each other but don't make eye contact. 

The man with his back turned to me is talking about his marriage. I become sort of uncomfortably aware that he's talking about his marriage to a woman. The other two seem nonplussed. There is a service which makes me feel very strange and then a woman with reddish blonde hair comes out on stage and motions to me. I stand up and go to her. She holds what looks like a Bible and points to particular sections while whispering to me to introduce the next preacher. I'm completely confused why I'm introducing the next speaker and who is speaking, why is she pointing to particular passages in the Bible. The conversation is jumbled. I keep asking for clarification: now WHO is speaking? Okay, who are they? I'm starting to get annoyed with myself for not being able to understand her. She is calm and continues to whisper and point at the passages. I become worried that the guy with his back facing away from me is the next speaker or the son of the next speaker. Then I understand quite suddenly.

My job is to introduce the next preacher who is waiting in the wings. He has reddish blonde hair and a ruddy complexion. He is, in fact, the father of one of my friends (who I won't name here). There is a window next to the pulpit and I can see my friend -who has very dark hair, glasses, and looks nothing like his father- outside smoking a cigarette while it rains. He's facing me sideways and leaning up against a yellow island wall outside the window.

I give perhaps one of the shortest introductions ever. I simply say "the father of so and so.' There are some applause and then I go back to my seat. The pew behind my seat is very close and there's an Asian woman who is annoyed that I'm sitting there. But I was sitting here first, I think to myself.

There is strong awareness that this is a Protestant church and that this unassuming man in a brown suit with ruddy features is Roman Catholic. He comes up to the lectern and starts with an incantation. He starts chanting. I just assume it's Latin, but when I listen it sounds very strongly like Tibetan. He's chanting and chanting. I start chanting with him and I'm following him while being aware that I know what he's going to say next. We are, in fact, doing some Tantric Buddhist mantras because I can pick out a few words which aren't in the open teachings. There is one chant in particular that keeps getting repeated.

At some point either here, or when I stand up, I am removed of all clothes except for my underwear. I'm aware that I am without clothes and feel ambivalent. On one hand, I know that I should sort of have clothes on, but on the other hand I look kind of good without them. I'm in the church hallway chanting bent over a table. My friend are coming and going in the hallway. They're talking about where they're going to eat after the service, gossip, and I become really sad. I start sobbing. It's a dry sob and tears come a bit later. Everyone becomes quiet and aware that we're in a church. They're apologizing to me but I don't want their apologies or silence. I keep saying again and again 'it's just so sad.' Someone brings up Amy Winehouse and I keep sobbing while saying 'It's so sad.' Amy Winehouse, the gossip, the ridiculous conversation about what songs they want played on their wedding. It's all just so sad. I cry and wander up and down the hallway saying 'it's just so sad.' And that was the end of that dream.

Recalling these two dreams makes me remember the vague fossils of several other dreams I failed to write down the past week. Many of them involved rooms and going through chambers.

Before falling asleep last night I was reviewing rik chi and dun chi's in Buddhist logic. The car'ness vs. 'a car.'


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