- beg someone to run in 2020
- wait until person announces they are running and then...
- talk shit about them running.
- get them to quit running.
- then ask 'why you quitting?'
- fix candidate a plate to take home (no mac n' cheese. Mac n' cheese is for closers.)
THEM: Elizabeth Warren was the one who should've run 2016. She speaks truth to power.
WARREN: Okay, I'm in.
THEM: Are you 'in' a time machine, heifer? It's 2019. I said 2016. I'm done wicchu.
THEM: God, imagine how great it would be if Beto ran.
BETO: Okay, I'm gonna run.
THEM: Fake ass motherfucker. He think he cute. Ugh, why you standing on ppl's tables like you ain't got no sense?
THEM: If only someone was strong and moderate like Kamala Harris?
KAMALA: Okay, I'm gonna do it.
THEM: Are you gonna do it like you did your white husband?!? How about all 'dem black kids you put in prison? You gonna do it like that, you traitor?
THEM: It would be great if we had someone relatable and unpolished like Sherrod Brown.
SHERROD: All right ppl, I'm ready.
THEM: You ready to apply for a QUEER EYE makeover? Wiccha dusty ass jackets.
THEM: I wish there were more Latinos running.
JULIAN CASTRO: Okay, here I am.
THEM: Who? Wait, what just happened? No, I didn't mean you. I meant a fictional Latino. Why are you still here?