DGWG: What Would Make You Happy?

What Would Make You Happy?

When I ask this question, I rarely get an answer. 9 times out of 10, the person looks at me and says, 'No one has ever asked me that.' This could be a collaborator on a new project, a director, or someone in the writers' group. Then I rephrase it as, 'What's the best-case scenario for you/for this project?' This gets a slightly better response. Usually, I get an answer about 20% of the time. And then the blunt question, 'What are your specific goals?' gets about a 30% response rate.

These were the standard questions growing up. We were taught in school that you would be asked, 'Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?' when we interviewed for college, when we pursued a job within our career goals.' So it felt like we all had to prep an answer. Even if the response was delusional, you were expected to have an idea of what 5-10 years looked like?'

I found out recently from teens and ppl in their early 20s... they don't ask those questions anymore for most colleges or jobs. Maybe it's too much pressure or too goal-oriented. I don't think it's right or wrong...just strange.

The 'goal questions' were considered the 'adult questions' you had to answer. Because if you say what your dream is and you're not doing anything to make it happen, then there's a clear discrepancy. But if you never answer the question, then you never look at your actions in the harsh light of reality to see if you're heading toward or away from the goal.

In high school, I wanted to be a reporter. I had no experience. I was getting rejected for internship positions at local magazines and radio stations. So one night at my parents' dining room table I wrote a delusional answer to the "what would make you happy" question: I want to be a reporter for the New York Times.

I laughed. Absurd. Then I wrote another sentence: I will be a reporter for the New York Times.

I laughed, but a little bit less this time. Then underneath that, I wrote, 'I am a reporter for the New York Times.'

Huh. Interesting. I was 16, and looked at those three sentences. Then I tore out the sheet of paper, folded it, and placed it in a notepad. I emailed the editor of a major magazine for an internship. He responded with discouraging, dismissive words. I replied, 'You should be nicer to people like me' and then I stated my goals. To my surprise, the editor replied back a few minutes later...he apologized. He took me seriously. We engaged in a constructive back-and-forth, and I thanked him. I circled that moment when I stood up for myself because I could see myself down the road. This magazine editor -who had never met me- reacted to that.

I was featured in some of the local papers for my high school football and wrestling team accolades. One day I went up to one of the editors and said -as if it was the most normal thing in the world- you should hire me to write some articles. He laughed. I don't know where I learned this from -my dad or a self-help tape- I stepped up to the editor, looked him in the eye, touched his shoulder, and repeated myself. Maybe it was a subtle form of hypnosis: closing the distance, making eye contact, touching a shoulder or shaking a hand...and repeating the statement with assertive coolness. And then dropping it. A few days later, the local editor offered me the chance to write one story, and that was it. He was doing it out of a sense of charity. That's all I needed. The 'charity' story turned out to be very popular. The publisher of the paper called me into his office and I pitched him the idea of me writing for his paper weekly...on a salary. The publisher was incredulous... I was a 16-year-old football jock. He just wanted to compliment me on my story and I was pushing a payment plan to be a reporter. He was sitting across the desk from me so I couldn't touch him, but I got closer to him, looked him in the eye, and negotiated. I got the job. One steady newspaper job, which led to 2, which led to 3, which led to 2 online magazines.

Fast-forward I'm a senior in high school and now working for 5 publications. None of them are the NYTimes. I remember my goal, and I thought about what was behind the NYTimes statement. I readjusted it: 'Well, NYTimes or a big city newspaper like that.'

Fast-forward, I got into Northwestern...but for radio/tv/film, not journalism. The school matched me up with a mentor: the associate editor of...the Chicago Tribune. It was a 'mistake' because I was a film major and supposed to be a film person. I met with the mentor. It didn't feel right to just blurt out, 'You need to hire me...for the Chicago Tribune." I was 18 and right off the plane. So I asked to join him...for anything. He volunteered at the Boys and Girls Club, so I volunteered too. We hung out, went to lunch, and got to know each other. This is way before Buddhism, but I was planting 'mental seeds' by helping kids out.' This went on for several months while I worked at the school newspaper and the NU newsfeed, interviewing professors on the radio. I got lost in learning the craft and showing up at the Boys and Girls Club. Toward the end of my freshman year, my mentor offered me a summer job...at the Chicago Tribune. I'm ecstatic...But I double-checked that this was a fully paid position. Not an internship. I'm now used to writing for money, not charity.

Freshman summer, I worked as a fully paid reporter for the Chicago Tribune in their internet newsroom. The other student reporters were getting paid $8/hr. They were stunned that was getting a full salary b/c no one had ever done that before. An editor from the Miami Herald called to see if I was interested in interviewing for an internship. I told them, "I'm at the Chicago Tribune right now...as a paid reporter. But I can do that next summer...if it's fully paid.' So next summer they offered me job...without even having to interview. Another student reporter said 'wait what?!? That doesn't happen!' I'm 20, working at the Miami Herald and staying at my parents' home. While looking for a notepad in my bedroom, I grabbed one, and out popped a folded piece of paper from 4 years ago. A time capsule. I unfolded it and read the sentences about the NYTimes.

What is your time capsule of happiness? Make it absurd, make it big, make it something your friends might laugh at...and then do the work. Having the goal in mind helps direct you. It is an invisible hand you set in motion. And this invisible hand can push you into new places, give you the courage to speak up for yourself, the audacity to 'ask' for what was never done before, and the assertiveness to do the work and plant the mental seeds for your future.