Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Funny Conversations with Doctors (ha ha...sigh!)

After another funny/sad incident today, I started looking at all the weird conversations I've had with doctors or about them.

1. Fake Out Conversation

Doctor (examining Dad): Well...things look good here (looking at me and shaking his head like things are terrible.)

2. Sweet Conversation

Me: What do you have?
Friend: The doctors did test after test. A lot of exams-
Me: -yeah, what is it?
Friend: They have determined that I have Sweet's Syndrome
Me: What is that?
Friend: It means I have marks they can't identify-
Me: - so essentially they have no idea.
Friend: No.
Me: And when they don't know what to call something that looks sick, they call it Sweet's Syndrome?
Friend: Yes.
Me: And you had to do all those tests to figure out that they don't know anything?
Friend:....

3.  I Don't Really Care Conversation

Me: I started using that creme you gave me and now there are these marks on my skin.
Doctor: Well it's acid to burn off the bumps.
Me: No one told me there was acid in it. I was putting it all over my arm.
Doctor: ...
Me: Now the scars from the treatment are much much larger than the bumps.
Doctor: So stop using the creme.

4. 'Just Say No' Conversation

Doctor: Test came back. You're fine.
Me: Okay, so I don't need any medication?
Doctor: No, but we can give you some if you want.
Me: (totally joking) What do you have?
Doctor: (totally serious) I can check with the...(calling out the room) Hey-
Me: No, no. It's fine.

5. Forget Everything We Said Before Conversation

Doctor: Your mom is fine. She has mild diverticulitis. But she should be back to eating normally-
Me: -I thought you were supposed to avoid eating nuts and seeds.
Doctor: No, you can eat anything.
Me: I have a few friends who had diverticulitis and they couldn't eat seeds, nuts, some-
Doctor (suddenly remembering): Oh, yeah. We used to think that. It would make sense, right? But nah! When it was looked into, it didn't make a difference.

6. You're Training to be a Doctor?!!? Conversation

Football Trainer: It's just a mild bruise.
Me: I can't really walk.
Football Trainer: Just ice it.
Me: (staggering out in agonizing pain)

*DAYS LATER ON CRUTCHES*

Me: I couldn't walk so I went to the doctor and they said I shredded most of the muscles in calf.
Trainer: (examining me) Okay, I see that. Yeah, it's real bad.

7. I Should've Asked Conversation

Me (post emergency appendix surgery): These are the medications they gave me to prevent infection.
Sister (an actual doctor): Why do they have you taking all these pills when there's just one pill to stop all of this? You know what? It's not my case. I'm sure they know what they're doing.

* DAYS LATER BACK IN THE ER*

ER Doctor: Why are you here?
Me: So I was taking all these different pills and I started bleeding internally.
ER Doctor: Why did they give you all these pills when there's just one you have to take.

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