I got my first big theatre commission almost 20 yrs ago. It was year-long, fully paid. I could actually live off it. The person vetting the process said that they selected me b/c I was the only writer who emailed a professional cover letter. I laughed, thinking it was a joke, but it wasn't.
I thought everyone knew how to write a basic cover letter: "Greetings, my name is so so and I'm interested in this position. Let me tell you about myself and why I'm interested in this job. Then I will conclude by emphasizing my interest in the position one more time, offering more contact info for any questions, saying my resume is attached, and wishing you a great day." The usual stuff. I asked what other interested writers had emailed to the org? Apparently it was a mix of opening lines like 'yo, I'm interested' to 'how much does this pay' to 'I'm ready to start...I just need you to address these concerns I have' with no introduction to who these emerging writers were and their interests. I was shocked. Do people not know that when you're asking for something, you should be respectful? The org said the responses ranged from unprofessional to disrespectful to rude. I got the job b/c I did the bare minimum: I was cordial, professional, spell-checked my cover letter, and wished them a pleasant day. I followed up with a phone interview where I tried to be pleasant, collaborative, open, and curious about the people I was working with, without being a nuisance. "Damn, that was it?" Yeah, that was it.
Twenty years later, I'm still amazed. Basic respect puts you in the top 10%. Just that alone. I've run a monthly workshop since 2017. It's a way to give back while setting boundaries around my time. I've had ppl come to me on a first meeting and say stuff like 'you need to help me make this' or 'help me meet with your executives' to 'I want to know what you can do for me' or 'I need you to read my script b/c it's going to be a hit' and I just smile. If this is your attitude toward me, how can I expect you to act in a room with other ppl?
I was talking to a professor friend yesterday, and he said disrespect is a huge problem. Students turn in stuff late and then protest when they're marked down; parents threaten teachers who are doing their job in maintaining basic discipline, and administrators capitulate to the loudest, angriest voices rather than maintain the values of the institutions.
The purpose of respect is obvious and also hidden. On the obvious level, you're asking for something. People want to give to people who seem like a friend or a colleague, not a dictator. The deeper purpose of respect is cognitive: when you respect something, you get more out of it. In high school, I was captain of the debate team. That meant I sometimes had to wear a suit. It seems silly, but wearing the suit changed the way I thought: it shifted the entire experience of my day. People looked at me like, 'oh ok, you came here like a young gentleman.' But I also had more focus in my interactions. Now I was also captain of the wrestling and football team, so sometimes I would come into class sweaty and wearing shorts and flip-flops: completely different experience taking in the world. Do I prefer flip flops to wingtips? Absolutely. But did I value my focus when I was better dressed and approaching my day like I was here with a purpose? Yes.
My dad would always tell me, 'Don't slouch, speak clearly, walk with purpose in the world.' It's a form of respect for oneself and others. Later on in Buddhist psychology, I learned the art of getting a teacher is about respect. Not because the teacher needs it, but because the art of respect sharpens the mind in listening and processing information. And all the teacher wants the student to do is process the information and apply it. But if the student comes in dressed in flip flops, slouching into a chair, and checking their phone, they're not going to hear the lesson as well.
There is a difference between respect and respectability politics. Respect is about controlling yourself because of self-pride and wanting something: It is a two-way street. Respectability politics is putting up appearances so white people will find black ppl non-threatening and safe. There is no internal or deeper reason. Respectability politics is hollow and seeks to ingratiate oneself. Respect is spiritual, creative, and professional.
I think one of the biggest classes artists need is respect. How do you respect your teacher, your classmates, your collaborators? How do you respect the situation, even when another artist may be trying to disrespect you, dismiss you, or play with you? I've had numerous experiences when someone is lying to me or thinking, 'I can trick this guy into giving me something.' I don't yell or scream. I nod and stay respectful while processing the information for later. Make notes for later. I mark it down and continue onward. And if I'm doing that, trust that others are too: they are politely marking down their observations and saving it for later or to report to their boss.
I've worked as a professional writer for over 20 years in theatre, multimedia, TV, film, and journalism. I have pensions, 401ks, and retirement funds built on a career of words. But the thing that allows me to cross different forms and media is listening with respect. Imperfectly, making mistakes, feeling my emotions, but always returning to respect. And I'm grateful that my Buddhist teachers, my parents, my arts teachers guided me with that principle. The world is rough sometimes, but you still gotta write the cover letter, show up at the job interview on time, dress appropriately, and stay in my lane.
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