When I was a teen, I rejected simplistic statements about peace and love being the answer. I focused on the minutiae of politics, war, and economics. As I get older, I find most of these debates exhausting. First off, 99% of the time, the loudest people know the least. And the thoughtful people 'in the know' don't even participate in the discussion because it's not worth the time. Discourse becomes just fighting for the sake of being right. The arguments feel more like tribalistic exclusion and egotistical posturing. In that context, facts don't matter, and so they are manipulated (or not even considered), and helping ppl is inconsequential, and so others are forgotten about. There has to be a better way, a kinder way, a more sane way that actually engages with other people. Now I keep returning to peace and love...in practice.
During the height of the pro- and anti-abortionist protests when doctors were being murdered, and bombs were being set off, a group of activists got together with one thought: there has to be a better way. These gatherings were NOT about convincing the other side; they were about clearing the air. And over the course of a few yrs, the participants changed themselves and the movement. They met at a neutral ground and listened and shared. They returned to peace and love because everyone was so unhappy being at war with each other. I feel like we need more neutral ground b/c it's just echo chambers of rage.
-Daryl Davis is a black blues singer who has befriended hundreds of KKK members and got them to turn in their robes. He met these ppl at a neutral ground: music. The Delta music, both black and white ppl shared. The process wasn't perfect, and it didn't happen online. It was messy and in person. KKK members didn't magically transform overnight into conscientious, perfectly balanced individuals. The demands of perfection were not imposed on ppl trying to change... just the willingness and space for them to figure it out.
-Daryle Lamonte Jenkins is a black activist and punk music fan who has gotten hundreds of skinheads to change their allegiances. Once again, the neutral ground was music: punk. But the results were the same. People need space to feel like they're human, to ask questions, to be wrong, to set up their own philosophical laboratory.
There are many examples of group change. I want to believe this kind of change can happen online. But the same conditions are needed: a neutral ground, a chance to be heard, room to ask questions, debate, and something concrete to bond over. I think the abortion activists' debates happened over food and prayer. For Jenkins, it was going to punk concerts in rural America. For Daryl Davis, it was traveling with his blues guitar to bars and clubs in the South. If they can do it, we all can do it. But it requires a willingness to see something else. Not just to look for outrage or opposition.
In college, I wrote for a few newspapers and online blogs. I wrote hundreds of small stories, but the ones that got attention were the articles that people could feel upset about. So I wrote something breaking down how Black athletes' aggression is treated vs. white athletes. Ppl descended on the comment section to call me 'racist' and 'hateful' and use all sorts of slurs. I asked a few ppl 'ok, but why do you think this?' And many responded by continuing to call me names, expecting me to return the insults, but I pressed the point: Why do you think this? And behind all that rage was...nothing. Many of them couldn't even remember why they were angry. There was nothing in the article that accused them or anyone of anything. It was listing facts and experiences of real athletes. At the end of these discussions, some ppl softened and then boomeranged back to name-calling. And some other people paused, softened, and opened up. I remember one person -the angriest and loudest- backtracking, apologizing, and then saying it was actually an excellent article. I wasn't asking for compliments or contrition; I left myself open for their humanity. In this case, the bonding was over sports. But it could be over anything.
Peace is an active practice. Imperfect and stumbling. That doesn't mean I don't have opinions or jokes. But I actually don't go out of my to HATE 'the other' any more than I would rage against algae blooming in a hot pool of stagnant water. Some ppl see green water in the Reflecting Pool and see red, some people see a sad joke, and some people see science. All function according to the viewer. But it's an ever-evolving movement grounded in the principles of patience, effort, concentration, and wisdom.
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