Sunday, December 2, 2018

Self-Care Exchange at the LGBTQ Center

Last Wednesday there was a talk at the LGBTQ Center about Self-Care Exchange. Lobsang Chunzom hosted the talk and it was produced by Limitless Health Institute. The talk was based on a lot of the principles from the ancient text THE GUIDE TO THE BODHISATTVA'S WAY OF LIFE by Master Shantideva (c. 6855-763).

As we close out this year, leave you with the bullet points of Master Shantideva:

1. We are all equal.
2. But how are we all equal? We have different talents, intelligence, looks, etc. Human beings are as different as grains of sand. So how could we be equal?
3. We are equal in ONLY this way: we want to avoid pain and we want happiness. That's it. That is the only way human beings are equal. Therefore it is okay to want happiness. It is okay to want to achieve your goals and dreams. In fact, it is the only thing that makes us equal as human beings.
4. But I don't really think my happiness is the same as your happiness. I think it's better. I think it's more special. I think this is true because I can feel my happiness and pain. I can viscerally feel it. I can not feel your pain and happiness. So even though, I intellectually understand that we are equal...I don't really believe it. Truly, almost no one really believes it because we cherish our own happiness over others...because we can feel our happiness. It is more real to me, than what you want.
5. Conversely, you can not bear your pain because you are grasping on to yourself. You see yourself as more real than other people and you cling to this. Your pain feels more real. I always deal with my pain first and then -if there's time and I'm feeling good- I might get around to your pain.
6. We think that we can't conceive of other ppl's pain and happiness but that is a lie. You keep a savings account and have investments for a FUTURE ME. This future me is not real, it does not exist, it is not presently in front of you. FUTURE ME is a concept of another person you are choosing to relate to right now. And yet, you are 100% capable of planning, caring, nurturing this concept (as you should, btw). You study for FUTURE ME, you go to college for FUTURE ME, you make all these elaborate plans for a FUTURE ME. This person has not appeared yet and you can not feel its pain BUT...you can imagine it. You can very viscerally and in great detail imagine FUTURE ME's happiness and sorrows. And you imagination about FUTURE ME is what drives you to move heaven and earth to get your goals.
7. If you can relate to concept of FUTURE ME through your imagination then you can certainly extend that imagination toward others.
8. Futhermore there's an analogy of stepping on a nail and your hand removing the nail from your foot. Why did the hand remove the nail from a foot, when it can't feel it? Well you see the hand and the foot as parts of you. These are parts, but the hand does not feel the foot's pain. You have decided that these parts are 'ME.' But you can also do that for your wife/husband. You can extend the parts of you to your child, your loved ones. Your ability to extend ME is infinite. Your ME can be multiple friends and family and it is even a FUTURE ME.
9. What's messed up is that I will ignore other people's present suffering to take care of a FUTURE ME. I will look around someone who is really in front of me to take care of FUTURE ME that is a concept. And this action, ensures that FUTURE ME will not be taken care of when it's needed. By not helping someone in front of myself, I am planting a seed for a FUTURE ME to not get help.
10. The best way, the only 100% fail-proof way to help FUTURE ME (that is a concept and not real) is by helping the people around me right now. It is the way to plan, it is the way to achieve your goals, it is the way to look at the world that will improve every facet of your life. This radical way of thinking IS your retirement plan. It is your health insurance, it is your dream board, it is a way of protecting and helping yourself down the road.
11. The people around you are quite literally wishing wells to achieving your goals. They are the key every thing and that's great because people are everywhere!! Every person is key to your FUTURE ME.
11. The true Self-Care Exchange is to do what is most effective for the FUTURE ME in 2019 and beyond. And the best way to take care of your future goals is to help someone else out. It's what plants the seeds for success. You take care of someone in a deliberate, consistent, systemic way. You will be forced to see someone helping you out. You will be forced to see a FUTURE ME surrounded by collaborators, grantmakers, funders, and supporters. And that is a real Self-Care Exchange.
12. Exchange yourself with others is the Self-Care Exchange. 

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