MONEY! It's the dirty secret in the arts that nobody wants to talk about, but everyone knows is there in the room. Ever since I was 18, money has dictated most choices I have made. Northwestern gave me full financial aid that was 2/3 scholarship and 1/3 loans I took out on myself, while my first choice school of Trinity University offered me $3000... via work study (gurl, bye). New School University won out over other MFAs b/c I got 90% scholarship and the rest I covered by being an RA. The Juilliard fellowship was FREE with a fellowship stipend (hallelujah) and I still worked side jobs and committed to three other paid fellowships to stay afloat.
I'm super grateful to institutions like Northwestern, New School, and Juilliard. Thanks to tremendous support, my loans are manageable. They don't give me nightmares, unlike some of my colleagues who have six-figure debt.
I have been asked 'why did you get into TV writing' and I resist the urge to scream 'BITCH, I NEEDED MONEY.' Instead, I usually give some well-crafted answer about the freedom of TV writing and how we're in the golden age. Btw, the golden age is being driven by playwrights who jumped into TV b/c, well... 'BITCH WE NEEDED MONEY.'
If I didn't have money as the primary deciding factor in my life, I wonder if I could have written a great decalogue of plays or started up my own theatre company, or self-produced off-broadway, or traveled to Europe or traveled to some place that required me to get a passport before the age of 30. In fact, I was up for a foreign fellowship in my 20s, but one of the main requirements was that I needed a passport. I didn't have one b/c the idea of foreign travel seemed 'high-class.' When the theatre offered me a fellowship slot, I was too embarrassed to say that I couldn't afford it and that I didn't even have a passport. I turned it down and stayed in Brooklyn. I ended up writing a short play for a few hundred dollars...and I was very happy to earn that money.
I still get antsy about not getting paid on time. Even if it's only a few hundred dollars from a small company, I have a startle reflex. It's an instinct that goes back to a time when I would have to hunt down payments, politely stalk clients, repeatedly ask for money in a way that was incessant without seeming desperate, even though the rent was due and someone might be taking their sweet time in writing a check. I still remember being paid a few thousand by the National Museum of American Jewish History in the same week that another client decided to renege on a deal and not pay me my last $300...just cause they didn't feel like it. And they knew I didn't have any power. And I obsessed about the $300, when I should have been celebrating the bigger payment. I still remember companies like Theatre for the New City that dangled off-broadway production opportunities for a year if I could get matching funds, had me run around and actually get $10k, and then renege on a signed deal just b/c they felt like it. I was a hustling artist whose primary focus was money and, therefore, I was disposable. I still remember having to smile, bite me tongue, wipe my brow from the hustle and sweat of working to please their needs, and saying 'thank you' b/c we all know that appearing rude is worst than someone just not paying you or lying or yanking money or an opportunity away at a whim.
I still get nervous every time payroll is a bit late. I'm trying to change. To be more forgiving, to not be so mistrustful of other people when it comes to money. I am trying to offer financial support to others when I can because I have been very fortunate. I am trying to let go the tiny slights and 'what if's.' It's a process. I still check my bank account daily.
I'm super grateful to institutions like Northwestern, New School, and Juilliard. Thanks to tremendous support, my loans are manageable. They don't give me nightmares, unlike some of my colleagues who have six-figure debt.
I have been asked 'why did you get into TV writing' and I resist the urge to scream 'BITCH, I NEEDED MONEY.' Instead, I usually give some well-crafted answer about the freedom of TV writing and how we're in the golden age. Btw, the golden age is being driven by playwrights who jumped into TV b/c, well... 'BITCH WE NEEDED MONEY.'
If I didn't have money as the primary deciding factor in my life, I wonder if I could have written a great decalogue of plays or started up my own theatre company, or self-produced off-broadway, or traveled to Europe or traveled to some place that required me to get a passport before the age of 30. In fact, I was up for a foreign fellowship in my 20s, but one of the main requirements was that I needed a passport. I didn't have one b/c the idea of foreign travel seemed 'high-class.' When the theatre offered me a fellowship slot, I was too embarrassed to say that I couldn't afford it and that I didn't even have a passport. I turned it down and stayed in Brooklyn. I ended up writing a short play for a few hundred dollars...and I was very happy to earn that money.
I still get antsy about not getting paid on time. Even if it's only a few hundred dollars from a small company, I have a startle reflex. It's an instinct that goes back to a time when I would have to hunt down payments, politely stalk clients, repeatedly ask for money in a way that was incessant without seeming desperate, even though the rent was due and someone might be taking their sweet time in writing a check. I still remember being paid a few thousand by the National Museum of American Jewish History in the same week that another client decided to renege on a deal and not pay me my last $300...just cause they didn't feel like it. And they knew I didn't have any power. And I obsessed about the $300, when I should have been celebrating the bigger payment. I still remember companies like Theatre for the New City that dangled off-broadway production opportunities for a year if I could get matching funds, had me run around and actually get $10k, and then renege on a signed deal just b/c they felt like it. I was a hustling artist whose primary focus was money and, therefore, I was disposable. I still remember having to smile, bite me tongue, wipe my brow from the hustle and sweat of working to please their needs, and saying 'thank you' b/c we all know that appearing rude is worst than someone just not paying you or lying or yanking money or an opportunity away at a whim.
I still get nervous every time payroll is a bit late. I'm trying to change. To be more forgiving, to not be so mistrustful of other people when it comes to money. I am trying to offer financial support to others when I can because I have been very fortunate. I am trying to let go the tiny slights and 'what if's.' It's a process. I still check my bank account daily.
1 comment:
Thanks for your on-the-bone comments, Aurin. Appreciate your forthright(eous)ness.
Also (quite belatedly), many thanks for your submission listings - they are thorough and thoughtfully chosen, and I feel a tad of confidence in your choices (not that I have been very successful, but that would be another blog..)
Lynne S. Brandon
www.sites.google.com/site/brandonplaywright
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