Thursday, June 7, 2012

Preparing Mind and Body: Meditation Retreat

I've begun to close some links down, add up finances, see if this is all going to come together either this summer or in the fall. I think I might be able to do a 30-day meditation retreat. It's very difficult to have everything align at the same time.

Phone goes off. Internet stops. No more work. No talk, gossip, or news. Facebook and twitter go to black. This blog will go silent for a month unless I can get a few guest writers to post. I have to get in more flexible shape and do more yoga so my body is limber and capable of sitting for several hours a day.

I'm going to have to find a good meditation cushion, figure out transportation, and pray a lot.

I'm anxious with all the unknown factors and variables. This morning I woke up thinking about it and tension ran through my body. I put on some tea, then I sat down to meditate for an hour. I asked for help and surrendered.

I'll keep praying and opening myself up. Who knows how this will end up going. But I know that it's possible. Thanks to friends and family, I was able to do a meditation retreat last year. I had no idea -when I began planning- all the little details that had to be covered.

By the end of the week I guess I should have a spreadsheet of all the things needed.

This is a trying time which is why a meditation retreat would be best. Tragedy and gossip swirl around in the news. There are massacres in Syria and Buddhist rumors/gossip/news, and so many strange cannibal stories. It feels like there is a strange delight in there air. The delight in watching failure, horror, and death.

On a personal level my Dad has stopped getting up out of bed. I have no idea what it all means. Has he quit? After all this time, is this the decision to throw up his hands and call it a life?

Oddly enough, against this backdrop of chaos and blood, my own life feels stronger. I have finished a few exciting projects and have many more lined up for the rest of the year. I'm entering my last few weeks of the Columbia U. program where I've been working out 4-5 times a week. I feel stronger and healthier than I've been in years. It would be easy for me to just disconnect from the discomfort of others. I could just worry about myself and go into a retreat with the smug satisfaction of 'look at what I'm doing.' But I hope there is another way.

I can acknowledge the good ripening of having the time and good people around me. But spend a month purifying in silence and prayer for all the things which make my heart heavy with grief. Today I'm trying to find that balance. Tomorrow I'm going on a bus to check out the retreat site. I am surrendering to whatever may come.

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