Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Buddha in the Toilet

Thai toilet. Put your feet on the porcelain wings, squat over the hole, and go. When finished, you scoop the water from the bucket into the hole, and the waste flows out. I was not looking forward to this part of the rustic Vermont excursion, especially with a tweaked hamstring. I woke up this morning and made my way to the Thai toilet. I peered down and saw a giant red ant in the water. My initial thought was 'sucks for you, ant. INCOMING!" But for some reason, I remembered Master Asanga.

Master Asanga wanted enlightenment so he meditated in a cave for a long time; something like 12-16 years in order to achieve his goals. He failed. Pissed off, he left his meditation cave and stumbled upon a dying dog on the road. A wagon had sliced the dog in half and its guts were spilling out. Maggots were crawling over the spilt intestines. He wanted to save the dog and sew his guts back up, but that would kill the maggots. He had to first free the maggots, but if he picked them up with his finger he would kill them. He got a barber's razor, but then he realized that the razor was too sharp and it might kill them too. And it dawned on him that the only way he could get the maggots out was by using his own...tongue. And out of some supernatural deep love, he stuck his tongue out and began bending down toward the dog when it magically transformed into Maitreya (the future Buddha). Master Asanga yelled at Maitreya 'where hell have you been?!?! I've been meditating in that freaking cave for over a decade.' Maitreya told him he was right there in the cave the whole time, but there wasn't enough love in his heart to see him. When there aren't enough mental seeds to see something, an angel can be standing right next to you and it's completely invisible. But after all those years he finally had so much love that he was willing to free maggots...with his own tongue. Master Asanga danced in the streets with Maitreya, but most people only saw a crazy guy with some gross dog on his head...because they didn't have the mental seeds to see.

So I'm staring at this freaking ant in a shit bowl. *Sigh* Well, I am NOT using my tongue. I grab a utensil. I place it in the bowl. The half-dead ant sticks to the utensil. I take the ant to the porch and place it on the ground. It magically comes back to life and scurries off. I wait...I wait..I wait. Okay, Maitreya. I know you're out there. I'm going to keep planting the seeds to see you pop out of a Thai toilet.


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