Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Love Letter to the Tea Party

Dear GOP Tea Party Members,

I wanted to thank you for distracting everyone from Obamacare and the numerous glitches its had in in the first few weeks. If it wasn't for this massive, pointless, smokescreen people might have called the ACA into question. Instead -when faced with the prospects of the entire government being deadlocked indefinitely- most rational people focused on the greater priority. This default crisis will be a Red Bull speedball for getting disaffected Dems to donate money and vote in 2014. Rest assured, we will bring this up again and all throughout 2014.

Your complete lack of strategy was only highlighted by taking an unbending hardline stance against a bill that passed 2 years ago, implemented, and approved by the Supreme Court.  Also your dickishness, made even me stand up for a change and say 'no.'

I don't think I've ever seen a national party stick their collective mouths in their butts and bite down at once. May we all look back at this rabid, crap-eating feast and laugh at your incompetence soon (shall we say Thursday, lunch?)

Three cheers to Speaker John "Custard" Boehner and Senator Ted "Il Duce" Cruz for their brinkmanship. Nice to know that there really isn't a ruse to that blank, swollen look on your face: you just really are that intellectually constipated.

By the way Speaker Boehner, I hope you can sit back and marvel at how Senator Cruz just split your caucus in two, caused a permanent rift in the GOP majority between Tea Party members and moderates, as well as crippling your leadership. And this is a fellow Republican who did this to you. Wow. Knifed in the back by a friend. To paraphrase what Julius Caesar said to another Senate chamber: 'ain't that a bitch?'

Anyway, I'm looking forward to spanking that ass again. And soon. Stay sweet. No, as a matter of fact, stay bitter. I like your hearts black, like the American people like their presidents.

Love,

B. Hussein Obama

No comments: