Brooklyn v. Hollywood Artists

 

Real Brooklyn Artists' Convo (w/ Neighbor)

Me: what are you up to?

Neighbor: I started shooting a movie.

Me: Cool. What are your goals?

Neighbor: I just want to shoot a good movie right now and then I'll worry about all the other stuff later.

Me *waiting for him to sell me the movie*

Neighbor *awkward silence*

Me: Well...

Neighbor: We should bar-b-q some time when the weather gets warmer.

Me: Sure. So this movie...if you want me to look at it...

Neighbor: ..oh right. Well if it doesn't suck, I might show it. Just want to make sure it's good.

Me: Mmmm....*awkward silence*

Neighbor: Well I'll break out the grille some time and tell you.

IF SAME CONVO TOOK PLACE AT OLD APT IN WEST HOLLYWOOD

Neighbor KNOCK KNOCK

Me: Hey...can I help you?

Neighbor: I'm your next door neighbor. I just moved in. But I heard you're in TV.

Me: umm...

Neighbor: I wanted to get into the biz. Wanted to know if I could sit down with you, talk through my goals, strategize, synergize, network, cojoin, link, associate, amalgamate, and merge?

Me: what?

Neighbor: over coffee. I'm looking to get an agent. And then a manager. And then meet Spielberg. Or Ryan Murphy. Ideally both b/c I have a slate of tv and film projects that spans genres from horror to teen prom.

Me: I'm sorry I can't meet right now. I'm...terminally ill.

Neighbor: Oh no. I'm so sorry.

Me: stage 7...cancer of the nuts.

Neighbor: Oh my. So sorry. That sounds awful. I can totally come back in like, what? 5 business days? Is that enough time?

Me: I might be in agonizing pain.

Neighbor: Totes. OMG. Studio 7 cancer...

Me: it's stage 7.

Neighbor: Well let me just leave a thumbdrive for you. Just some random tik tok outtakes I made. I can stop by in 9 or 10 days. 

Me: might be dead. But sure.

Neighbor: Gotcha. Hey and you have a powerful story. It would make a great movie. Maybe we can collaborate and co-write your script. I would love to hear a story about cancer from the Black perspective. Maybe we could throw in some #BlackLivesMatter themes...cop shooting you. Or slavery. I don't know I'm just spitballing off the whole nut cancer cuz, you know, diversity...

Me: Right right. Well I should be getting dressed to go pick out a coffin. 

Neighbor: Gotcha. Hey, you take care, brother. *does Wakanda gesture.* Rest in Power. You're going to beat Lot 7. And check out my thumb drive if you're in chemo and bored.