Jetblue Flights From the Past

Sat next to Australian fashionistas from Perth who were taking endless selfies, talking about fashion week, joking/not joking about coke parties, and how many followers they had on Instagram. In front of us were two dudes in cheetah- and zebra-print sports gear and logo hats who looked like professional beach volleyball players or surfers. They were trying to get the Aussie girls phone numbers while staging snapchat videos of them pretending to be asleep or doing obnoxious plane karaoke. The guys got their phone number, the ladies had their friends in first-class... excuse me, I mean 'mint class' (come on JetBlue. Dude, you've changed!) sneak them cups of wine and cocktails while sipping from their flasks, and I had an 'out-of-species' experience where I was observing beings who were clearly displaying human traits, but seemed to be manufactured from some satire. And just think that 10-15 yrs from now, half of these ppl will be wearing wrinkled dockers and dragging their kids onto Jetblue's 'peanut brittle' class where you're put into a medically induced coma and have wifi streaming into your dreams so a cross country flight feels like one short hallucination of 'Friends.' Anyway, after one Aussie passed out and the other turned down an offer to sit next to the cheetah-cap bro for what would undoubtedly be an awkward attempt at getting a handjo underneath a neon animal print thermal blanket, everyone fell asleep. I returned to my species, wrote some emails, and tried to watch "Stranger Things" as we were hurled through space. I woke up to the thump of rubber-meets-asphalt and clattering noise of people searching for their devices. The Aussies were back to taking selfies and the more gorgeous brunette teased her hair while complaining that she looked like 'shit on a stick.' (she did not but her friend was too busy talking about spending a day or two in Vegas after NYC to notice). The gorgeous one continued taking selfies. I noticed that her phone had spiderweb cracks covering her screen, like some sort of iPhone for Dorian Gray. My mind is making bad literary puns and imagining plane seat classification by candy. I might need a nap. But we are here in NYC.