Week of Understanding

 -30-page screenplay outline: done. 

- halfway through 2 books for 2 other projects. 

-beginning to break next ep of THE GOOD FIGHT. 

- production meeting for ep of EVIL coming up.

-finishing up dharma homework and grading other ppl's hw and quizzes from class.

- sorting through thumb drive of old family pics for collection.

I was having a week that felt like 'look at all that I'm doing.' So productive, so capitalist, so efficient. And then I was reminded again of mortality. 

On Wed, a colleague died of covid. On Thursday evening, I got an email about another former colleague who also died of covid. As I sat there stunned I realized that I had been ignoring the suggestion of several ppl to go get the covid vaccine. I have asthma. I qualify. But I wanted to wait. I rationalized that I wasn't a priority. I had too much on my plate. Things were busy. Besides, I worked out 3 times a week. I do yoga. I can complete 18 burpees in 45 second...for 3 sets. Things are too hectic...maybe later. And then I remembered the 2 colleagues that died in 48 hrs. Two smart, brilliant POC who worked tirelessly...until their bodies stopped working all together. I wondered if I was falling into the same trap. I remember older family members who worked themselves to death b/c...who cares, right? I'm not that important. It isn't that big of a deal. it's the plague of false modesty to work and not take sick days or rest, to not make doctor's appointments. 

So I called Thursday night after the devastating email about death. I called around midnight and left a msg on the Florida hotline. And early Friday morning, a vaccine coordinator reached out to set up an appointment that day. After work I had a meeting, went to my 4pm virtual workout (yes with the burpees), showered, and then went to the Dolphins Stadium. I was still sure I was going to be rejected or they would say 'get out of here.' I had a mixture of anxiety, fear, guilt. After driving through a comically long obstacle course of orange cones, I arrived at the station. The nurse walked up to the car, wrote something on my window. Then another nurse came by with a needle. She rubbed my arm, plunged the needle in, handed me a card, and then they set up appointment for the second shot. And that was it. 

It's so silly. These emotions play games with our minds and our health.