Remembering March 2020: Before It All Changed

 Cognitive Disconnect from a Yr Ago....

-Missing my last two shows on Wednesday b/c I was too nervous. Sorry HANGMAN and SUICIDE FOREST. I really wanted to see both, but my anxiety at sitting in a theatre w/ ppl was at an apex.

- and yet, I still had one-on-one meetings that day. Without masks. 

- buying multiple thermometers, ordering masks, and then I hop on a plane to Miami on Thursday to go A WONDERFUL WORLD previews at Miami New Drama. I forget to bring ANY of that stuff with me. 

-Newark Airport is a ghost town. 

- Everyone is spraying down their plane seats and wiping it...but only half of us are wearing masks. 

- by the time I land in Miami, AWW is being cancelled. We get 2 more performances to wrap everything up in previews.

- I avoid shaking hands with ppl...some understand and some think I'm overreacting. Still not wearing a mask.

- last performance of AWW on Saturday. 

- we think that the show, the world, theatre, life will be back by summer...okay late summer...okay maybe September. Every time we talk about a return to theatre, we start moving the dates back in our mind. The reason? Stopping the spread depends upon collective responsibility. We look around at South Beach, Trump, scientists being demonized, diseased being weaponized by anti-Asian bigots, Fox News...and think 'this pause is going to be a lot longer than expected.'

- And still we hang out after the show. I hang out with friends on South Beach. Granted, we are in outdoor spaces. We go to the beach, eat on a patio, walk around on Lincoln Road not knowing that this is the safest bet. 

- last indoor restaurant was a Mexican place a block from Lincoln Road. There was one couple inside. Me and my friend sat as far away as possible...not that it mattered. We didn't know about how indoor air conditioning pretty much spreads droplets everywhere. So we sat on opposite ends of a barren restaurant trying to enjoy a casual meal while not thinking about the other table poisoning us by breathing. 

- rent a van, travel around the city. Rental Car pulls its entire fleet a few days later and I have to return van. 

- just walk to beach and enjoy the sun. City closes all the beaches. 

- stay in hotel room for a week in isolation.

- CBS announces that the EVIL room is returning 3 months early and starting on Monday. We are going to try this thing called 'Zoom.' Yay. 

-Work returns immediately. I was worried about a shutdown. CBS Studios might use the opportunity to cancel contracts and clear the books. Quite the opposite has happened. No time to reflect or pause. Don't think about it, here's some money, new contract, crank out stories from the dark regions of your mind. Oh, do I have nightmare material. 

- Maybe it's better not to reflect or sit with these feelings. Maybe it's better to just plunge into this new world and let the emotions sort themselves out later. The fact that EVIL is a horror show about our worst nightmares means that the Zoom writers' room becomes group therapy for ppl living through a plague. Unintentionally it becomes a place to dump our fears...without ever mentioning coronavirus in a script.

- zoom test? Success! 

- I notice that there's no toilet paper in some of the stores...which seems odd. Does coronavirus give you diarrhea? Struggling to understand...there has to be some logic here.

- turns out, there's no utilitarian logic to the toilet paper shortage. It's just our collective American psychological fear of uncleanliness and shame in the middle of a disease pandemic. Apparently ppl in a crisis immediately think of the most shameful thing (poop!!) and the horror of walking around with a sticky smelly butt. So toilet paper!! 

- stores that cater to tourists still have toilet paper b/c a) tourists are foreign and b) they're down in Miami to have a good time so they are less concerned with shame/dirtiness and more concerned with their tan lines. 

- mental note, shop where the tourists shop. Able to find toilet paper and all supplies...except for kitchen cookware. Apparently, cooking in hotels has skyrocketed. 

- Take an uber back to my parent's home. Wearing a mask, windows open. It begins.