I was introduced to someone and got 'the look.' Every black person knows this look. It's the slightly shocked 'ah! Okay...in the presence of a person of color.' You play along, exchanges pleasantries, nod, while thinking 'this person is probably racist AF.' I walked away from the exchange and resumed my life..as you do. Usually I reserve some doubt in my mind: maybe they had something in their eye, maybe they got a sharp jabbing pain in their stomach the moment they saw you.' Whatever. This has happened to me hundreds of times and I keep living. A few days later my friend (white) sent me a frantic text about the person he introduced me to b/c they had found out some disturbing news. Turns out... the person I was introduced to was racist AF. Surprise! After a few drinks, 'the looker' openly expressed his disgust for black people in very vivid details. Shocked my white friend, asked me 'did you know this person was racist?!?' Um...yes. I figured he was. My friend asked...'but how? How could you know from one brief conversation? And why didn't you say anything?'
Okay, here's the thing: most poc encounter microaggressions, negative body language, and 'looks' every day. Racism usually doesn't come in the form of someone screaming 'N-word, AHAHAHA' in an elevator or burning a Colin Kaepernick jersey in front of us. The form is non-verbal and subtle...like a slow-release capsule dripping out poison into the bloodstream throughout the day. If you're a POC you become an expert at differentiating between plain negative body language (which does happen a lot) and that subtle shift in non-verbal communication that is...something else: the kind of warning sign sets off your alarm. Just like how gay people have gaydar, people of color have 'race GPS' and it pings...usually quite accurately. If I start flagging and posting about each one of my 'pings,' then it's like handing out speeding tickets at the Indy 500. Exhausting. Pointless. Furthermore, a white ally usually doesn't possess the same race GPS so they don't believe you or they just don't see it in the same way straight friends say 'I never knew about (file in the blank celebrity). But he was married...to a woman! I just thought he was sensitive.' With race GPS, you just file away the ping with notes: never get drunk with this person, never talk about politics, make sure to never reveal any personal info. The non-verbal takes its form on several levels from subtle to outright hostile....
1. the bemused 'hmmm...ok' - the person has low-level racist thoughts, maybe they just had a conversation where they said something 'problematic.' They can be changed b/c they clock themselves when they see you. They almost laugh about the irony. Fuck this person but...okay, we can work with this. Maybe you will be their 'Greenbook' story years later that they'll tell at an MLK ceremony...how meeting you changed them. This person may write an article or book or movie about how the 'one respectable POC" transformed their lives and they went home for Thanksgiving and cussed out their racist parents...or had sex with a black person...and they are so proud of themselves for their bravery. That person they reference might be you. You might be a bit 'magical' in their retelling. Ugh, fuck this person...but also I guess they can be helpful.
2. the 'ah, ok' racist look - It's clear, it's strong, it's probably been unchallenged. BUT they possess enough social etiquette to hide it. The 'ah ok' will only happen once...at first contact. You will never see it again. They will get nervous around you b/c they know what they believe. You can usually co-exist with this person. Not friends, not buddies, but you can be in the same space and be pleasant for a set amount of time. The person will only change their views if a truly traumatic event happens that causes them to doubt past assumptions. Cancer and getting treated by POC doctors who save their lives. It has to be something huge to move this boulder.
3. the 'sigh....ok' - this person is barely concealing their annoyance at your presence. Barely. The sigh may come with a slight frown. They have social etiquette but the racism is just overflowing enough that they can let you know 'I don't know you, but I already don't like you, fyi.' Depending upon how deep the sigh, it lets you know their passive-aggressiveness.
4. the 'eyeroll introduction' - Now this is open hostility. They will deny it, gaslight you into thinking its something else. But you GPS is pinging too strong. But usually, they will walk away first.
5. the 'grimace/frown'- there is almost no entry point here. Do not talk to them. How do you know it's racist? They are fine and smiling with everyone except you...and you're the only POC in the area. Yes, this happens. Most other white ppl don't notice it.
6. the 'physical hello' - I've gotten this. The clutched purse, the 'ahhh' with a strong sharp physical gesture like we're about to get into a fight or robbery situation. In the more aggressive physical hello, someone (always a white guy) will jostle me physically, jab me. Some have spat on the floor in front of me and I have never seen these people before. They are itching for a fight with a stranger. They might be armed. They might be an off-duty cop or security guard. They might be Liam Neeson. Walk away. Not worth it.
Okay, here's the thing: most poc encounter microaggressions, negative body language, and 'looks' every day. Racism usually doesn't come in the form of someone screaming 'N-word, AHAHAHA' in an elevator or burning a Colin Kaepernick jersey in front of us. The form is non-verbal and subtle...like a slow-release capsule dripping out poison into the bloodstream throughout the day. If you're a POC you become an expert at differentiating between plain negative body language (which does happen a lot) and that subtle shift in non-verbal communication that is...something else: the kind of warning sign sets off your alarm. Just like how gay people have gaydar, people of color have 'race GPS' and it pings...usually quite accurately. If I start flagging and posting about each one of my 'pings,' then it's like handing out speeding tickets at the Indy 500. Exhausting. Pointless. Furthermore, a white ally usually doesn't possess the same race GPS so they don't believe you or they just don't see it in the same way straight friends say 'I never knew about (file in the blank celebrity). But he was married...to a woman! I just thought he was sensitive.' With race GPS, you just file away the ping with notes: never get drunk with this person, never talk about politics, make sure to never reveal any personal info. The non-verbal takes its form on several levels from subtle to outright hostile....
1. the bemused 'hmmm...ok' - the person has low-level racist thoughts, maybe they just had a conversation where they said something 'problematic.' They can be changed b/c they clock themselves when they see you. They almost laugh about the irony. Fuck this person but...okay, we can work with this. Maybe you will be their 'Greenbook' story years later that they'll tell at an MLK ceremony...how meeting you changed them. This person may write an article or book or movie about how the 'one respectable POC" transformed their lives and they went home for Thanksgiving and cussed out their racist parents...or had sex with a black person...and they are so proud of themselves for their bravery. That person they reference might be you. You might be a bit 'magical' in their retelling. Ugh, fuck this person...but also I guess they can be helpful.
2. the 'ah, ok' racist look - It's clear, it's strong, it's probably been unchallenged. BUT they possess enough social etiquette to hide it. The 'ah ok' will only happen once...at first contact. You will never see it again. They will get nervous around you b/c they know what they believe. You can usually co-exist with this person. Not friends, not buddies, but you can be in the same space and be pleasant for a set amount of time. The person will only change their views if a truly traumatic event happens that causes them to doubt past assumptions. Cancer and getting treated by POC doctors who save their lives. It has to be something huge to move this boulder.
3. the 'sigh....ok' - this person is barely concealing their annoyance at your presence. Barely. The sigh may come with a slight frown. They have social etiquette but the racism is just overflowing enough that they can let you know 'I don't know you, but I already don't like you, fyi.' Depending upon how deep the sigh, it lets you know their passive-aggressiveness.
4. the 'eyeroll introduction' - Now this is open hostility. They will deny it, gaslight you into thinking its something else. But you GPS is pinging too strong. But usually, they will walk away first.
5. the 'grimace/frown'- there is almost no entry point here. Do not talk to them. How do you know it's racist? They are fine and smiling with everyone except you...and you're the only POC in the area. Yes, this happens. Most other white ppl don't notice it.
6. the 'physical hello' - I've gotten this. The clutched purse, the 'ahhh' with a strong sharp physical gesture like we're about to get into a fight or robbery situation. In the more aggressive physical hello, someone (always a white guy) will jostle me physically, jab me. Some have spat on the floor in front of me and I have never seen these people before. They are itching for a fight with a stranger. They might be armed. They might be an off-duty cop or security guard. They might be Liam Neeson. Walk away. Not worth it.
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