Saturday, April 20, 2019

WGA/ATA: A Play

Writers: We aren't happy.
Agencies: Well I don't think so. And brah: you look fantastic!
Writers: No, we are telling you that we are not happy. So what are you going to do?
Agencies: Can I get you some bottled water?
Writers: Sparkling?
Agencies: Piss infused.
Writers: Pass. You are ripping us off and here are the receipts.
Agencies: Our math says that you is kind, you is important, um-
Writers: 95% of us are not happy.
Agencies: But Jon Robin Batiz is friends with his agent. Did you read his letter? Soulful, tender, it was like "Old Yeller." We wept.
Writers: We are not happy so...you are fired.
Agencies: You can't fire us.
Writers: Why not?
Agencies: Because. There would be chaos. Chaos! Chaos! CHAOS!!!! The sky will bleed, horses will eat themselves, there will be anarchy loosened upon the farmer's market. Locusts will consume spec scripts.
Writers: we can actually just talk to ourselves, save the 10%, and cut you out of the process entirely.
Agencies: ILLEGAL!! THAT IS ILLEGAL COMMUNIST CHAOS! When did you become such awful monsters?
Writers: You have systemically ripped off writers, you are double-dealing to yourselves, and you lie.
Agencies: Are you sure I can't get you some Jon Robin Baitz water?
Writers: What's that?
Agencies: The piss infused one.

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