Kuumba

2016 was a strange dichotomy. As the geopolitical and cultural world went to hell, my personal life went in the opposite direction. In the areas of career, creativity, spirituality, health&wellness, philanthropy, and relationships (which I usually do not mention online on purpose) I felt myself growing. Words like 'abundance' and 'prosperity' has become hackneyed and trite thanks to religious charlatans. And yet those twin terms apply to this year which was the best. BEST YEAR. Not even close, which is a funny thing to say b/c prior to this turn around the sun, 2015 was THE BEST YEAR. And prior to that, 2014 was the best. This doubling has happened ever year since about 2006, when I took a year off to take care of family issues and focused on helping others solely, while disconnecting from my own immediate wants. In the echo chamber of this holographic universe, I have felt the multiplication of that kindness by so many collaborators, colleagues, partners, and teachers. Thank you. To the numerous charities I worked with and contributed to this year, to the 3 play productions, 2 tv shows, 2 theatre awards, one workshop at the O'Neill, one induction into the freshman class at New Dramatists, one screenplay deal, one love, one Lama in Venerable Lobsang Chunzom, one body of wellness. And even more amazing than my own story has been seeing my friends thrive in TV, theatre, film, journalism, marriage, yoga, wellness, and family. It's a lot more fun to be amongst people who complain less, work more, succeed beyond expectations, expand, and encourage me to do the same. May the upward spiral continue into 2017 and expand out to more friends, family, strangers, and even enemies. Be Christ. Be Buddha. Be love. Kuumba!

NIA (purpose)

I had the pleasure of hanging out with theatre director Michel Hausmann and Miami filmmaker Billy Corben ("Cocaine Cowboys" and "The U" on ESPN's 30 for 30) in SoBe. At the end of lunch Billy told me to check out his netflix documentary "Dawg Fight," about the backyard fighting circuit in West Perrine, which is one of the poorest and most violent areas of Miami. I watched it yesterday and I was moved to tears.

"Dawg Fight" is filled with hometown folks who look like me and are struggling to survive. They don't want handouts, they don't blame the government, and don't want to sell drugs to their community. So they fight each other. They're smart, determined, funny, and just want a chance. They are literally trying to fight their way out of poverty. Faces are bashed in, people lose eyesight, flaps of flesh are torn from faces and blood is spilled on the 12X12 ring in a dirt-covered backyard.

Neighbors cheer, black market bets are placed on fights, the local police look on, and an official from the Dem party comes to a bout to praise self-made entrepreneur and backyard fight promoter DADA 5000. At the end of the bout, the fighters are so bashed and discombobulated that they have to led out of the ring like little children. The winner gets $200 and the loser gets $50. And they're happy to have it.

"Dawg Fight" was sad, epic, brutal, black, American, universal. These are men with purpose and I hope we can honor their hard work, pride, and dreams by giving them a chance.

Kwanzaa Kujichagulia: Yoga

The yoga instructor subbing in this morning was a guy. And so were 90% of the yogi students. I had to look around to make sure I wasn't just imagining this, b/c I have never been in a yoga class -in NYC, LA, or Miami- that was almost all guys; especially not for a yoga class at a gym where the genders are heavily split between women taking the most of the classes and men lifting most of the weights (and everyone uses the cardio machines).

The yoga instructor noticed it too. And it wasn't just that it was mostly guys, but all diff types and ages. Short, tall, chubby, skinny, old, middle-aged, young. Some times bodybuilders wander in off the floor do a couple of stretches and then bounce. But b/c the class was almost all guys, the few bodybuilders who came in ended up staying for the entire session. And the class was also mostly people of color: black and latino, the instructor was Latino Jewish, the few women that were there were all latino and newcomers. It was a moment of 'first chance' for so many new people who spontaneously/synergistically found themselves trying something new...which transformed the experience into something completely new for me.

It was a lesson in self-determination and people being willing to change. And when enough of us do it, we can transform a class, a college, a country or even the world...just by showing up, removing our external and internal prejudices, and diving into the work.

KUJICHAGULIA: self-determination.

Kwanzaa UMOJA: Door in the Face vs. Foot in the Door

From relearning "Bargaining and Negotiations" class...

Foot-in-the-door vs. Door-in-the-face. Foot-in-the-door is the small ask that eventually leads to the 'real ask.' A door-to-door salesman asks for a glass of water to get in the door to ask for five minutes, and then a series of small asks leads to selling something. A guy asks if he can carry a girl's books to her locker, to establish a habit of caring for the girl, in order to ask her out on a date. FITD depends upon the listener feeling helpful or valuable.

Door-in-the-face is the big ask that will be rejected by the listener so that the real ask seems more reasonable. DITF depends upon the listener saying 'no' to an ask and then feeling guilty about it, so that the real ask seems reasonable.

My first job in high school was at a local newspaper. I used foot-in-the-door: just let me write an article. One, that's all I ask. I wrote the article, the response was very positive, so I asked to write another article. After a few articles I switched to door-in-the-face and walked into the publisher's office and asked to be a newspaper staff writer. The publisher laughed. I was in high school and had no experience. But I listed my articles' positive response and work ethic, he felt a bit guilty, then he 'offered' the freelance writer position that was well-paying. He never would have given me that job if I would have asked for it upfront. He ended up giving me what I wanted b/c I over-asked and negotiated to a reasonable medium.

On the first day of Kwanzaa I am remembering that persuasion techniques -FITD and DITF- can be used to get people to reach common ground, work together, achieve our goals, and create community. UMOJA.