FRIEND: Times are tough. I'm thinking of selling my seed.
ME: Is there a market for that?
FRIEND: Yes, women are looking for good donors. My family doesn't have any hereditary diseases, the kid will be good looking and smart. There's a market for Ivy League seed.
ME: Ivy League seed? You don't have that.
FRIEND: yes I do.
ME: Northwestern is not Ivy League.
FRIEND: What are you talking about? Northwestern is a top 10 school.
ME: Yeah it's not Ivy League.
FRIEND: Ok it's the equivalent.
ME: Then you can say you have 'Ivy League-equivalent' seed.
FRIEND: I can't sell equivalent. That's like saying grape drink.
ME: Well it ain't juice, Lizzo! Just be honest.
FRIEND: What am I going to say? I got 'Big 10 seed?' Ain't nobody want that.
ME: Some people would. Someone who wants to raise a football player. But then if you say Northwestern they'll think 'ugh, he'll be .500 in the conference.'
FRIEND: I'm so upset w/ you right now. We went to a good school. You're acting like we went to a community college.
ME: First, there's nothing wrong with a community college. And I love our Big 10 school. It's just not Ivy League.
FRIEND: Listen... I got into an Ivy League school but I didn't go.
ME: That's wild Trump logic. I got into an Ivy League school but didn't go too. That doesn't make me Ivy League. I can't say I got into a program and didn't go...however, due to my acceptance letter I have NASA astronaut seed.
FRIEND: That's not the same thing. Schools are just labels. Ivy League is just a label.
ME: It's actually a historical thing. But ultimately, yes everything is a label. So why does it matter?
FRIEND: B/c Ivy League implies elite difficulty. And you're always saying how you went to 'Northwestern' and 'Juilliard' so you love labels that say 'elitism.'
ME: I don't always say that. But using your logic, Juilliard is one of the most difficult schools to get into in the entire country. Facts. Therefore it's Ivy League according to your logic, right?
FRIEND: Well now...wait a minute. That's different. That's an arts school. It's difficult b/c everyone wants to be an artist so everyone is applying. So the acceptance rate is really low.
ME: And everyone wants to say they went to an Ivy League school and applies, therefore the acceptance rate is low. So I'm using your logic to tell the same lie, right? Sorbonne is also Ivy League with your logic. So now you got everyone lying about their seed, thus degrading the meaning of Ivy League seed. When these kids grow up, mothers are going to be suing for a refund.
FRIEND: I'm so upset with you right now.
ME: well then you should've though about that before you decided to degrade your genetic marketability by attending a Big 10 school, snob.
*Sidenote: Tsema is the first course I took in Buddhism. Logic and debate. One of the Tsema rules is that you have to use your opponent's logic in an argument to prove your point. It's logic judo. You use their force and vice versa until the judo transforms into a sort of playful dance. The other rule is that there are no winners. Debate among friends is just there to push us further to the truth, not to be 'right.' By debating, we clarify our concepts, joke, cut down on pride, and sharpen our minds. And some times you have can use Tsema at Empanada Mama on a Tuesday night while talking about labels and seeds.*
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