Thank you, Morgan Jenness. Rest in Peace.

 "You need to meet Morgan!" At different times throughout my early NYC yrs ppl would say that to me: meet Morgan Jenness. She was at Abrams, or she was a manager, or she was freelance spirit wandering through the city. I would ask "how can I meet her?" and then the person would usually say something like "oh I'll introduce you" before disappearing from my life. After a few yrs I just stopped asking 'how?' I gave up the idea. Eventually Paul Lucas e-connected us on Facebook. Morgan was a dramaturg on a Josh Fox project. So we had some slight connection. And then New School Drama sent out an e-vite to its playwright alums to come back for a special workshop with...Morgan Jenness. I signed up with a speed reserved for RSVP'ing to see Michelle Obama or Bjork or Michelle Obama performing w/ Bjork in some funky Fort Greene bookstore. I arrived in one of the bomb shelter rooms at New School for Drama and sat around a conference room table with a few other writers. 

Morgan spoke about finding our inner voice. I vaguely knew what she was talking about. She asked us to sit quietly for a moment and try to listen to that inner voice. And try to wait for it to say 1 or 2 clear phrases about what it needs. I was tempted to roll my eyes but didn't. 

So I sat there. And It's been several years since this happened so I'm probably getting the steps wrong or missing some key details. But I remember we sat there in that room and an eery shift happened under her guided meditation. And then something happened. Now there's a reason why you don't talk in specific detail about spiritual experiences in Buddhism. Words cheapen a magical moment and reduce it to a literal thing. But spiritual stuff is not a finite Plymouth Rock that you land on, plant a flag, and declare that you have conquered a new land. The magic moves like a shift phantom cloud. So this next part is intentionally fuzzy...

I sat there along with other writers. And a voice materialized from the darkness of my subconscious. It was a voice so clear and obvious that it felt like the glasses on my face. I got a teary-eyed at this inner voice that hung in the air saying something so true about...me. Then I sucked the tears up b/c I'm finally in the room with Morgan after all these years. And I am having a spiritual reckoning. Crying felt very 'performative' and I didn't want to disturb other participants having their own experiences so I just sucked the tears back in and jotted down the phrase. 

At the end of the workshop I thanked her. She changed my understanding by getting me to listen to a lower frequency that was underneath all the worries about my career and fellowships. After that evening session knew I was going to be ok. I didn't know 'how' or 'what' ok meant. But for certain I knew that I was going to be fine because I could always return to that 'knowing.' In one evening, I met Morgan and she lifted a mirror to all of us so that we could see and know. And I guess that's why ppl kept telling me in the middle of an interesting discussion about art or life 'oh you need to meet Morgan.' Because she was wise beyond her accolades or titles. She was carried her own 'knowing' around with her...like Elizabeth Kemp. And this 'knowing thyself' truth magnetized an entire room and an entire community.

Thank you, Morgan.