THEM: Hi, we have never ever met before. But I have some free script doctor work I want you to do for a complete stranger. Would you be interested?
ME: Not particularly. But go on.
THEM: You read this script and give comprehensive analysis and make yourself liable for a lawsuit later on if any of your ideas are in any way close to mine.
ME: Hmm...this is very dangerous and thankless. I'm tempted.
THEM: It will be fun. You seem very very busy.
ME: I am.
THEM: So you are the perfect person to read my script and give an in-depth critique.
ME: Well, free work, the risk of a lawsuit, odds are the script will be terrible. This all sounds too good to be true. What's the catch?
THEM: The catch is that once you read it and give me notes, I will require several follow-up emails, maybe even phone calls. I will hang around you for a long time and suck free work out of you. And unless you adore the script, I will not take any of your notes. And then I will ask you to find me an agent.
ME: What’s the genre? The only thing I hate is horr-
THEM: -Horror.
ME: Perfect. So I read your undoubtedly terrible horror script-
THEM: -for free! I can't emphasize how much I value your expertise and time by giving you nothing in return except this smiley face...😁
ME: That's a cute smiley face.
THEM: I pay all my medical bills with smiley faces.
ME: Really?
THEM: No, just kidding. I use real money. But you're going to do this inexplicable task for emojis.
ME: Right. And then I give you notes you're not going to take, put myself at risk for future legal action, and get entangled in a one-way relationship in which you take and take until you move on to another target. Send it over. And you might as well send over the lawsuit you might file against me. Should I give you my bank account number?
THEM: I think that sweetens the deal. 😁
ME: Not particularly. But go on.
THEM: You read this script and give comprehensive analysis and make yourself liable for a lawsuit later on if any of your ideas are in any way close to mine.
ME: Hmm...this is very dangerous and thankless. I'm tempted.
THEM: It will be fun. You seem very very busy.
ME: I am.
THEM: So you are the perfect person to read my script and give an in-depth critique.
ME: Well, free work, the risk of a lawsuit, odds are the script will be terrible. This all sounds too good to be true. What's the catch?
THEM: The catch is that once you read it and give me notes, I will require several follow-up emails, maybe even phone calls. I will hang around you for a long time and suck free work out of you. And unless you adore the script, I will not take any of your notes. And then I will ask you to find me an agent.
ME: What’s the genre? The only thing I hate is horr-
THEM: -Horror.
ME: Perfect. So I read your undoubtedly terrible horror script-
THEM: -for free! I can't emphasize how much I value your expertise and time by giving you nothing in return except this smiley face...😁
ME: That's a cute smiley face.
THEM: I pay all my medical bills with smiley faces.
ME: Really?
THEM: No, just kidding. I use real money. But you're going to do this inexplicable task for emojis.
ME: Right. And then I give you notes you're not going to take, put myself at risk for future legal action, and get entangled in a one-way relationship in which you take and take until you move on to another target. Send it over. And you might as well send over the lawsuit you might file against me. Should I give you my bank account number?
THEM: I think that sweetens the deal. 😁
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