Enlightened Thoughts on Regime Change from War Criminals

"While no one condones looting, on the other hand, one can understand the pent-up feelings that may result from decades of repression and people who have had members of their family killed by that regime, for them to be taking their feelings out on that regime," he said. "And I don't think there's anyone in any of those pictures ... (who wouldn't) accept it as part of the price of getting from a repressed regime to freedom."

- Donald Rumsfeld...talking about Iraq

“I will keep telling the country that we must stand up against lawlessness and crime, wherever it takes place. We simply cannot condone violence as a way of changing the system.”

-George Bush Sr. talking about riots in America 

Brick Wall Patriotism

In high school, my football coach went down the line asking a loyalty question: would you be willing to run through a brick wall for your team? I didn't even let him finish the question when he got to me.
COACH: Aurin would you-
ME: -HELLLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOO!!

What was supposed to be REMEMBER THE TITANS inspiration turned Katt Williams comedic. Hell no. Fuck no. Fuck that. No. Never. To summarize...fuck. that.

My coach was disappointed. "You see, this is why we don't win."  It should be noted at this point that the coach in question was a white guy and most of the players were black. It should also be noted that I really really liked this coach and he was also my history teacher. I asked him how he could ask me that question after teaching me 1st period honors American History? How could you have the gall to ask me that question?

It feels like America has been asking that question to generations of black ppl? Would you be willing to run through a brick wall for your country? Die? Fight? Kill? Sacrifice it all? Black Americans always answer 'yes coach' and then we go charging into that wall of annihilation, into the enemy line, through the gates of hell! And those who return ask 'would you mind if you treated me as equal...or just stop killing me? And the coach replies 'stop whining!!'

We ended up having a great discussion from this loyalty question. I told the coach that he has not earned that level of loyalty. And It is a two-way street.' Other black players started saying 'wait umm...I'd like to change my answer.' The team earned the level of loyalty proportional to our mutual sacrifice. For me, that meant I was willing to work hard, try, collaborate...but not to die, not to injure myself, certainly not to go on a suicide mission.

Coach said that's why I would make a bad solider. Maybe he was right. We went 1-10 that year. Maybe it's time we let America lose a few games so that we can win back our self-worth. Yes, losing isn't fun and it hurts...but not as much as that brick wall.

False Police Reports

- visiting friend in the deep South. I was asked if I wanted to borrow someone's car so I could cruise around town? Uh, hell no, no, nope, not going to happen...you are not going to catch me in a Southern town in someone else's car. I stay inside and read. My friend goes out and is arrested LIKE THAT! The cops say he has an arrest warrant (a common lie cops use to hold black people). He's arrested, booked, stripped of his clothes, given prison uniform...and it's a weekend. So he has to wait until Monday to see a judge. The arrest warrant charges were fabricated. He is released after being in prison for 2 days...for no reason.
- can we admit that part of the reason America was so pissed off at Jussie Smollett is b/c he pulled a "Karen" without the privileges given to countless white ppl who make up crimes against black ppl and don't even get a ticket for it, much less get arrested, investigated, charged, and pursued by an entire city gov.
- upstairs neighbor was a white liberal female stoner dating an African man (so she couldn't be racist right?) They get in a fight, WLFS assaults him (he gets scratched up).  Neighbor says she's calling the police on boyfriend to get him deported...b/c why not use your privilege to escalate this, right? But don't worry: WLFS probably voted for Obama. Twice. But anyway the police arrive and find a crying African male and a screaming WLFS saying that he needs to be arrested. Since he's the only one who has visible signs of being assaulted...the cops arrest WLFS. She was in shock...how could this happen to her? My roommates watched gleefully from the window as the NYPD handcuff WLFS. The African man packed his shit up and moved out while WLFS was in jail...never to return. Welcome to America!

Everything is Connected

Everything is Connected...but I've had no tv cable connection the past 2 week. That fact plus more meditation, more work, and a  reduced social media checking means I've been viewing things through this unintentionally altered state. I am aware of the news but it does not bombard and surround me. I hear about a Trump tweet, 100,000 coronavirus deaths, Breonna Taylor, Ahmed Aubrey, Chris Cooper, George Floyd and it is news that arrives at my doorstep. I let in the news and it sits in my kitchen, puts its feet up on the couch, fixes itself a sandwich, rants in the bathroom while washing its hands, and then -at a certain point- I say 'you have to go.' The news leaves behind a thin layer of slime, like a slug. By the time I clean up the goo, another knock at the door...more news. Maybe this time I say 'leave it outside.' I'll get it later. Maybe I let it talk to me through the crack in the door. But the reaction is different from when I used to let the news sleep in my bed, keep its toothbrush in my bathroom, put its dirty clothes in my hamper.

I do have a SMART TV so I've been logging on to Youtube and just selecting a channel and letting it play: nature, ESPN, documentaries about remote viewing. A few days ago I selected the TED TALK channel and I just let it roll on for hours and hours. If I'm using background noise, it might as well be from the viewpoint of 'knowledge' over 'daily news.' Last night the channel got around to a TEDTalk in Taipei titled "Everything is Connected." Astrophysics researcher Tom Chi was explaining how everything is connected. It's not only a spiritual belief but a quantum physics principle and biological system. Chi talked about breath, heart, and mind connection: the breath we are taking now is dependent upon breath other creatures took millions of years ago, and the breath creatures will take millions of years from now is dependent upon the exhale I am making right now. He went on to explain the heart connection and the mind synthesis. But the breath explanation struck me hard in light George Taylor being murdered through strangulation and the repeated anti-police brutality mantra of I CAN'T BREATHE. His last breaths went out into the world, mixed with the breath the cop who was suffocating him, and links to my breath which continues. My breath was dependent upon people who suffered and never knew that their stream would carry on to me so that I could breathe and keep the stream moving. Despite the violence, I do breathe today because of past sacrifices never known and this breath -sad, joyous, tragic, conflicted, black, American- continues on and will effect people I will never see. Chi said that the societies aware of the universal connection deepen their empathy and knowledge. The more societies ignore this fact, the deeper the suffering.

And then there is America: a bipolar manic society. We realize our connection through suffering and tragedy. And then we forget. We are shocked that a president who let thousands of ppl die in Puerto Rico while throwing a temper tantrum would act in the same manner when 100,000 people died. We are reminded of our connection and then we backslide into individualism and tribalism... the two 'isms' which might end this American society.

This isn't some enlightened state. I'm not claiming to be above the horror or removed from it. The news does impact my life. This is just a confluence of not having TV, less social media due to work, and more silence.

Don't let the panic and chaos and rage choke you. Breathe. Let the news in, be a social justice warrior, but breathe. Everything is Connected. 

Perfection of Giving

Tired: Can you read my script and become my on-demand script genie for free?

Wired: Can I engage you in a symbiotic artistic relationship in which I exchange your services for something I can offer?

Hired: Since the universe is a mirror of my actions, how can I be of service to others?

100,000 Killed: Tragic Landmark

As America hits 100,000 corona virus deaths, we have decided that we are done with quarantine. It's boring, it's depressing, so we banish this rule in de facto. States are reopening, ppl are being encouraged to go back to work, and the virus is surging through the middle of the country. Clusters and pockets are breaking out in half of the states. Infections and deaths are overwhelming hospitals in Georgia and North Carolina...but we're done with the virus. We've decided it by our actions, by our leadership, by our feelings.

There is nothing more important than the feelings of middle of America, and by feelings I mean 'comfort' and by middle America I mean 'white.' The common comforts of middle America take precedent over life and liberty. Murder through omission and boredom is the law of the land.

We are used to living a reality of self-help positivity and internet comfort culture so if you ghost someone/something and just keep living your life...they’ll eventually go away or get processed out our your circle by an algorithm. This pandemic has become inconvenient so on some deep subconscious level ppl are thinking ‘I’m just focus on positive thoughts and live my life and the ‘rona will get the hint...it’s over.’ But a virus isn’t a tinder date...you can’t ghost it and expect it to ignore you at the grocery store because it’s awkward. We have raised ppl -right and left-wing- to just believe that their comfort factor can bend reality and facts because it works online. Many many more ppl will die because of this magical algorithmic thinking.

Graduation Day: 2015

5 yrs ago! Young, carefree, and not socially distant. 2015. When Kayne was ok and our prez's greatest crime was being an undercover Kenyan Muslim in the imagination of white ppl with too much time on their hands. Remember theatre, graduation ceremonies, and putting your arms around someone? 5 yrs...I was writing A LOT of articles for New Republic and Talking Points Memo about Ferguson, Black Respectability Politics, police brutality in NYC. I interviewed Robin DiAngelo over the phone when she dropped knowledge with a new term 'white fragility.' I ran to my editors with a feeling that her phrase was foreshadowing something awful. Remember the hate emails I received for writing articles and doing podcasts about BLM...and also remember the LOVE and support I got from so many others that outweighed the negative. Remember when I tried to blow the whistle on a sexual predator in the arts by reporting them to multiple unions and I was told to shut up...#metoo hadn't arrived yet. We were young and carefree and I was being annoying. And so...I dropped it. And articles about BLM fell out of fashion the following election year, and Hillary was going to win anyway...and no, she doesn't need your help phone banking or canvassing. She's got it in the bag thanks to very wise, old white people. No worries Obama nation...we are reaching out to 'working class America' and so I just shrugged my shoulders. Good luck with that Hillary, and John Kerry, and Al Gore, and every single Dem presidential candidate not named Obama in the last 30 yrs...good luck with ignoring POC to reach out to the mythical gray unicorn.

I look at this photo like it's both a postcard from better times...and a warning. Don't slip, don't be gaslighted into silence, enjoy simple freedoms like gathering together...b/c that can be taken away too. And anything is possible because it's graduation day...all the time. And this is an election year in the middle of an unprecedented pandemic exacerbated by scammers, evangelicals, and incompetents gathered under the GOP tent of white fragility.

100,000 dead Americans by Sunday. White Fragility is lethal. But it's graduation day...somewhere in America. And that means there's hope.